


Fade, Turn, Change

by Metoty



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Brotherly Love, Canon, Child Abuse, Cute Kids, Feels, Flashbacks, Gen, Hoping I Can keep working on this asap, I'm sorry I cannot tag, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Sad and Happy, Young Luciel/Saeyoung Choi, Young Saeran Choi, Young small beans, ray route spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-05 14:21:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14046156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Metoty/pseuds/Metoty
Summary: It was during a time like this one, when their mother had lashed out at both of them. The first time his brother was left more hurt than himself.It was the day, when it happened.The best day of his life that he could remember, yet at the same time the absolute worst.





	Fade, Turn, Change

**Author's Note:**

> Helloo! Woow I can't believe I finally did this;; My first fic added! On my brand new account! Aah I don't know what to say. This was at 600 words for a good while, a certain something motivated me to pick it back up and in one night I got it a bit farther. Gosh I'm so nervous though T_\

_Could I have known? Didn't I know? Was all of it just a big sign..? How was it not so obvious…?_  
_…_  
_……_  
_I must really be stupid. And useless. Like mom says. I should have stopped him, I had a chance to. Ever since that day being in this place has been more painful than before… there's been days when I feel like as if I'm close to dying… she makes me bruise all the time… when she smacks me, and with her mean words._  
_Saeyoung… Where are you?? Why did you leave? Did that person in black find you?_  
_Please be safe please be safe please please…_  
_Be alive._  
_You said that because we're twins, we are one. You are me, I am you.._  
_No._  
_No, no._  
_Maybe it was for the best, you might be at a better place than me._  
_I just hope that wherever you are, you are happy…._  
_You're the one who deserves it._

 

*  
~  
*

 

A young red haired boy sat by himself on the cold kitchen floor. With the days recently having become shorter, the last of today's daylight seeped its way through tiny windows. Everything was silent except for the occasional slam of a door, the slurred words of his mother as she cursed at him, at his missing brother, at whatever she could think of.  
He sat slumped against the leg of the table, even though today he had not been tied to it. His stomach wouldn't stop making noises and it hurt badly from not having eaten well in nearly two days... he felt so sleepy and dizzy. His entire small and frail body ached so much he wanted to cry. But he knew he couldn't do that, if she noticed him crying, she would most likely slap him for being a nuisance. He didn't like it when she slapped him.. it hurt the most, especially if her nails would end up slightly cutting his face.  
_‘What did... what did Saeyoung say that one time again??’_  
The boy began to hiccup lightly as he struggled to remember the words he had been told one particularly special day. It frustrated him because he spent nearly every day since then thinking back to it, but he somehow wasn't able to remember at the moment. As tears rolled down his cheeks he realized that his face was feeling hot. Just as he was about to begin to sob, it hit him. He suddenly remembered…  
Surprised at how vividly the memories came rushing to him, the boy thought he must've been imagining things because he could almost hear his brother's voice speaking to him, trying to comfort him so he wouldn't cry. It was during a time like this one, when their mother had lashed out at both of them. It was the first time his brother was left more hurt than himself.  
It was the day, when it happened.  
The best day of his life that he could remember, yet at the same time the absolute worst.

~  
•  
~

 

_‘She tied the rope too tight…’_ Saeran picked at the plastic wire that was causing sharp pain to his upper arm. He couldn't even slip a finger between-  
"Hey... Sa-Saeran.." Light footsteps began to approach.  
A mix of relief and joy washed over Saeran as he heard his twin brother's voice softly speak close to him. But he didn't want to look. Instead, he hid his face deep between his knees. Saeran knew how much he'd been hurting, even though he was always so strong. Which is why he couldn't… he hated seeing his brother in pain.  
"Saeran look at me."  
Bending down to his knees, Saeyoung continued to will him to lift his head, and with tears in his eyes, he finally did.  
Saeyoung's hair was scruffy, parted into sections where their mother had pulled on it. His cheek was swollen and cut, a thin trail of blood trickled down his neck. Saeran knew his brother most likely had marks left elsewhere, but Saeyoung wore an oversized jacket. There was no telling how much more the boy had gotten hurt. _‘Saeyoung shouldn't get hurt… he’s the one trying so hard to find chances to get out, to look for food… always so positive..’_ Saeran knew it was his fault.. his whimpers growing louder the more he thought of his hurt brother.  
"No, Saeran stop!" Surprising him, and indeed causing Saeran to stop, Saeyoung smiled to himself for having succeeded and continued, "Don't think too much about me. I can take this. I would take all the hurt you feel if I could but..." After having slowly inched closer to Saeran, Saeyoung sat next to him, with shoulders touching as he reached over to hug him awkwardly.  
"Sa-Saeyoung!!" Saeran shrieked from the sudden affection he received.  
"Shh.. she'll come and hit you too if you're this loud! Although I'm not too sure if she would actually... After she was done with me she went to the cabinet full of bottles and took out the clear one. You know that after drinking that she always stays asleep all night." He shivered thinking about it, and with his arm still around Saeran, Saeyoung smiled at him. "Good thing she didn't tie me today huh? I have to find something to eat for us and-"  
"No Saeyoung it's fi-"  
"No you're not fine. She still treats you worse and makes you painful." Saeyoung wiped at his brother's drying tears.  
"Saeyo-"  
"It's okay." He wanted to comfort him in every and any way he could. "You'll be- we'll be okay Saeran. Always remember what I tell you. I’m you, you are me..." Leaning closer, Saeyoung lightly grabbed onto his younger brother's shoulder. Large golden eyes staring into identical ones, Saeyoung then softly kissed Saeran's cheek. As he was backing away, he was suddenly stopped when his brother returned the kiss, a quick but tender peck right where he had the scratch.  
"Uhwu?"  
Saeyoung blinked at his brother, who hid his face and sputtered, "Ss-s-sorry!! I just- you always kiss my head or cheek when I'm upset but I've never.. I..."  
Laughing lightly, Saeyoung patted his brother's small head and murmured. “Please don't ever change…”  
“Huh?”  
“Nothing. I have to go find the scissors!”

“And, there.”  
Even though he struggled for a bit, Saeyoung was able to cut the wire that had begun to dig into Saeran’s arm.  
“Oww… ow.. thanks, but Saeyoung… won't mom get angry when she sees?”  
“She should get angry at me since I cut it. And I don't care if she does. This wire was hurting you more than what she did to me.”  
Grabbing Saeran’s hand, he helped him up. “Since she won't be awake for the rest of the day, we're finally doing it!”  
Gently touching where his arm hurt, Saeran grew alarmed. Especially since he knew what his brother was talking about. “Out? Are-are we going outside??”  
“Yes! Remember I had something to show you?”  
“But-”  
“No ‘buts’! We have to return by sundown so we gotta go now.” Taking his brother's hand, Saeyoung made his way to the kitchen counter, grabbed something and quickly stuffed it into the pocket of his jacket.  
Quietly walking past their mother who lay completely passed out on the sofa… the twins unlocked the back door, closed it behind them, and did as Saeyoung had told Saeran to do back when he first spoke about his plan. Giving a small nod to each other, they locked arms together, and ran.

Their house resided deep within the woods, walking out the front where they'd be seen easily was a big risk, so Saeyoung had said that running out through the back would be best.  
To be running away from home, it was unbelievable.  
Never before had he ever ran like did now, much less gone into the woods, in fact he didn't even remember ever leaving the house before… but here he was. His own two legs leading him.. to somewhere… alongside his brother. In this moment he didn't feel tired, or weak, like his mother said he was. He felt like he could keep running forever, as long as Saeyoung stayed by his side.  
Running past trees, leaves crunched below his feet while others lifted into the air, and the smooth rushing wind, it made him feel like as if he were gliding… The boy couldn't help, but to giggle.  
A sound not heard as often as it should, Saeyoung felt joy well up in his chest as he heard his brother’s laugh… he hoped that sometime in the future… he'd be able to hear it all the time.. he prayed that Saeran could be happy every day. Even if the day when the twins would be separated ever came…

 

“Hahh, we can stop now!” Saeyoung announced and with that, the boys came to a break from their running.  
“Haah… ha..aahh… that was.. so fun…” Saeran panted heavier than his brother, but he still kept the smile on his face. After checking that he was feeling alright, Saeyoung led him to where he had wanted to take him this whole time.  
At first, Saeran was anxious as he was told to wait for his brother outside the building he went inside of. Saeyoung offered to take him inside… but he immediately refused… He was too scared to go into a strange place like that. Though Saeran hid very well behind the store, he was able to catch glimpses of people walking nearby, hear them conversating. Feeling bad for letting him go alone, Saeran kept thinking about how he should've gone too, but thankfully he didn't take long at all.  
“See? Told you I'd be back right away, now come on, it's this way right here.” Saeyoung had returned holding a bag…  
_‘He bought something?? How..?’_  
Pointing behind him, Saeran turned to see some stairs that he hadn't noticed until then. He closely followed his brother up to the top of the building he had just been hiding behind.  
“This is it!” Saeyoung stood atop the roof, proudly overlooking other smaller buildings and people.  
“Wow…”  
Mouth agape in awe, Saeran stared up at the sky. The vibrant light blue was beginning to fade into a rosier pink, few fluffy clouds scattered all across. Inspecting his brother for a bit… he had to say… he was enjoying this as much as Saeran, possibly even more. But they didn't have all day! Saeyoung sat down and began taking out what he bought. “Saeran, come sit down, you can look at the sky while eating.”  
“Eating?” Saeran’s head turned right away.

“Okay so I got us each a box.”  
“Wow, it's so colorful!”  
“It's got rice, eggs, some vegetables-”  
“This is a lot…”  
“I know you're hungry, make sure to finish all of it!” To demonstrate how to open it, Saeyoung opened his lunch box first and began eating.  
Removing the plastic off of his, the first thing Saeran picked up was a cherry tomato. “I'll try…”  
The twins sat atop the building eating. No one knowing they were there, no one to bother, hit, or yell at them… it was only those two alone. A moment they could both treasure.. this being the first time..  
It had seemed like too much, but as Saeran ate from each of the portions, it was clear that the amount was more than enough.  
Finishing up his food, Saeran asked his brother, “Saeyoung… how were you able to buy this??”  
Looking to the side, Saeyoung thought about how to explain. “Mmm, well….”  
“You-you did buy it didn't you?”  
“What? Of course! Ahh, I know I rebel against mom often but I'm not bad enough to steal or anything!”  
“Sorry, sorry… you're right…” Saeran stuck the now empty box back into the bag.  
Smiling at the fact that his brother had just eaten so well, Saeyoung too put the rest of the trash away. “It's alright, I should've explained everything in detail a little more. I was just so excited to finally get you here! But the money was given to me… remember the notebook I gave you? And that place I told you about?”  
“The… chapel.. cathedral? Is it the same people?”  
“Yes. They're really nice… even though they don't know you yet they're still able to help with this much.” Saeyoung began to stand, so Saeran did too.  
“Yet?”  
“Uhm well… just like I got to bring you here, I hope one day I'm able to introduce you to them… But oh! You don't have to stand, I'm going back down to throw this away and bring something! I'll take… fifty seconds less than last time!” He smiled while showing five fingers.  
Sitting back down on the concrete, Saeran nodded. “Okay..”  
After his approval, Saeyoung quickly dashed to the stairs and disappeared.  
“Hmm…”  
_‘Meeting the people that Saeyoung sees nearly every week… would they like me?’_  
The sky was turning more and more orange. Pink replaced the blue, orange replaced the pink…  
_‘Saeyoung and I are twins. But I am nothing like him… he's-’_  
“I'm back! Did you count the seconds? I'm sure I made it in time!” Saeyoung hopped onto the roof, holding something new in his hand.  
Indeed astonished at his speed, Saeran also couldn't help but wonder how much money Saeyoung had…  
“Okay, this one is yours! I know for sure you're going to love it!” Holding a small packet, Saeyoung opened it and took out a blue colored… stick? Then handed it to his brother.  
Inspecting the blue thing on the wooden stick as he held it, Saeran asked, “What- what is it?” Looking over to Saeyoung, he saw that he had already taken a bite out of his.  
“Huh??!”  
“Eat it quickly, it melts fast!”  
Cautiously touching it with his lips, Saeran was surprised to feel cold. Very cold. Licking his lips he tasted sweet… he finally took a bite. “Mmmm!”  
“Isn't it good? It's called ice cream.”  
“Mm, it's really good. I'm so glad that I can enjoy this with you Saeyoung.”  
“Me too! I told you that you'd like it.”  
“No not just this.. ice cream, this whole day… it's been so fun… it's the best. I wish it'd never end. I wish we didn't have to return home.” Saeran began to sound sad again, which Saeyoung didn't like. “I've told you I'm working on getting us out of there… it's pretty tough, but for now we gotta hang in there a little while longer.”  
“Mm.”  
_‘I'm not like you…’_  
“What's the matter?”  
_‘...You're so much more stronger.’_  
Saeran glanced over to his brother who was looking concerned. “It's just, you could survive out here…”  
“Yes, with you.”  
“But I'd only be a burden. I would slow you down… be useless… like I have been, like I already am.”  
Frowning at Saeran’s words, Saeyoung knew where he got them from…  
“That's what mom tells you isn't it? You're none of those.”  
“How?” Saeran always thought those words alone described him perfectly..  
“You're kind. And caring, and smart! You're very cautious of things, I think that's really smart. Saeran you can't say you're useless. You are the one who helps keep me nice. Without you, I would most likely become someone very bad…”  
He couldn't fully believe what he was hearing. “What?? But you- you're the one who's nice… mom called me a devil. I'm a coward. And I know I'm annoying, I have to change…”  
“You seriously have it the other way around Saeran… you may only be able to say ‘sorry’ to mom, but you don't rebel like I do. Even though she treats you so much worse…”  
Saeran ate his ice cream, saying nothing.  
“And you don't have to change a thing. In fact, I want you to promise me something. Right now.”  
Sitting up straighter, Saeran listened intently. “What is it?”  
“Promise me, that you will not change. Stay the way you are- both of us, let's both stay this very same way we are…”  
“Okay..”  
“Here, let's pinky promise. Let's promise on this ice cream.. that we've almost finished too.”  
“Why the ice cream..?” Saeran realized that his brother had just made him promise… three times.  
“Because, next time we have ice cream together, we must be the same as we are now. Please Saeran, don't let anyone change you. Don't think that you're someone wrong or bad because of mom or dad. If you apologize instead of getting angry, keep being like that. If you prefer to give instead of being selfish, there's no need to change that. And you can't think badly of yourself either, because there's nothing bad about you.”  
Saeran blinked back tears, the last of the sweet ice cream distracted him from crying but he still shakily said, “I promise Saeyoung. I won't stray to another path… I'll stay me.”  
Smiling once again, Saeyoung asked, already knowing the answer, “No matter what??”  
Nodding confidently, he replied, “No matter what.”  
“That's the Saeran I always want to see!” Saeyoung excitedly hugged his brother.. having forgotten about his arm…  
“Ow oww!”  
“Ahh! I'm sorry!! You just made me so happy there.”  
‘Saeyoung’s happiness… if I have to get hurt like this a million more times, as long as he's happy…’  
“H-hey. It's getting kinda dark. We should head back now..” Saeyoung suddenly said and pulled his brother’s hand.  
“Okay..”  
With one last look at the sky, he could now tell. The blue that faded to pink, which then turned into orange, was now changing to a dark purple.

After throwing the last of the trash away, Saeyoung seemed into much of a rush to go back. Heading to the woods, they hid behind trees as he continued to frantically look all around.  
_‘Was he looking for someone?’_  
“Saeyoung..?” Looking over to his brother, Saeran saw a deep sadness in his eyes… and that's when he saw it. What had all too quickly caused Saeyoung to get so worried…  
A tall man in a black suit. He looked as if he were speaking to himself, but he reached up to something in his ear.  
“Here.” Saeyoung let Saeran stand close to him, behind the large tree, there was no way they could be seen.  
_‘Who is that? Why are they here? Why does that man make Saeyoung so worried?’_  

Not wanting to make a single noise, Saeran barely breathed.  
Both boys watched from afar, until after what felt like an eternity, the man finally moved, he appeared to head inside the store they had just been at…  
Not wanting to waste any time, Saeyoung looked at his brother seriously. “Saeran, we're going to run faster than earlier. Can you do that?”  
“Y-yes.”  
“Okay, let's go.”  
And with that they sprang off into the wooded forest. Returning back to where they came from.

The gliding feeling from before wasn't there this time around… Saeran had nearly tripped over his own feet at least twice. He still felt panic coursing through his body. _‘What if he's following us? Would he kill us..?’_  
Tears threatened to well in his eyes.. but as they got closer to their home, Saeran calmed down some.  
“Listen Saeran… I'm going to the cathedral right now. I need you to-”  
“What? But that person is out there. Who is that?? What if they see you?” Grabbing his brother's hands tight so he wouldn't leave, Saeran looked deep into Saeyoung’s eyes…  
_‘Please don't leave me, please.’_ He could only silently will him to stay.  
“I- I've done this before.. You don't have to worry about him, just, make sure you're safe. I-I'll walk you inside.”  
_‘Why is he leaving again? At this time…’_

“This is something else I bought… keep them with you and don't show mom.” Saeyoung took two wrapped rectangles out of his pocket and handed them to him.  
Before he could even ask Saeyoung explained, “It's called chocolate. It's as sweet as the ice cream, I'm sure you'll like like it very much too.” Saeran was happy to receive the ‘chocolates’ but he still didn't want his brother to leave..  
"Now I.. have to tie you back…” Saeyoung didn't look pleased as he said it, but he had to. They both knew he did. Or else their mother would think it was Saeran who broke the rope…  
The wire hung quite loosely around his thin arm. It couldn't compare to the way their mother did it.  
“I tied it below the mark you already have, and not as tight. If you want to, you can slip your arm out, and then back in, like this.” He showed his younger brother how to make it look like his arm was tied tightly. He had done it all so quickly…  
“For the rest of the day you can be anywhere in the house since she won't be waking up until way later. But make sure to get back to this spot before you go to sleep..”  
“Wait, Saeyoung when are you coming back?? Aren't you coming back tonight?”  
The whole time Saeyoung had not stopped frowning. But as he heard those questions, his face looked the most hurt than before.  
“Yes… I'm coming back. But for now, I'll be gone. Please. Wait for me Saeran… and…” He gave his brother's forehead a quick but gentle kiss. “Don't forget our promise….. Good… good-bye.”  
“Bye..”  
Saeyoung was out of the door before he could even hear his quiet farewell.

~  
•  
~

He recalled everything in perfect detail.  
Tears had been streaming down Saeran’s face… yet all the while he made not a single noise.  
He reached over to his arm, the one that got hurt that day, and without realizing, he had draped the other onto his shoulder.. the boy hugged himself tightly… sniffling, he lightly kissed his own forearm.  
_‘ I miss you so much… ‘_  
Wiping at his eyes, Saeran thought about how proud Saeyoung would be… he hadn't cried out loud at all.  
“Hey you brat where are you?!!”  
His mother's sudden booming voice startled him. Loud thumping followed as she slammed doors.  
_‘What? No, no… but I didn't do anything, what is she-’_

**-KNOCK-**

**-KNOCK-**

Everything went silent for a moment…  
Saeran could feel and even hear his heart beating fast.  
_‘What was that… is-is someone at the door?’_  
“What the hell..?” Saeran’s mother asked as she walked over to the front door.  
Being much curious, Saeran rose from the floor and slowly followed behind his mother. As the door opened, his mother immediately asked, “Who are you?”  
“Hello. We have something to discuss with you....”  
Eyes widening at the voice he heard, Saeran even forgot about hiding properly.  
There was still a hint of daylight, at least enough to see that standing at the doorway, was a man.  
A man not like the one that frightened him and his brother, or like the ones he saw that same day nearly a month ago.  
All of his features stood out greatly. He had short odd colored hair, wore pretty clothes, and… there appeared to be a woman next to him. Because of the angle, Saeran couldn't get a good look but he was able to see a vividly bright yellow. The two of them seemed to radiate a light of their own...  
Just then, the man caught a glimpse of Saeran.  
He looked momentarily shocked but he quickly replaced it with a small yet very warm smile.  
A smile…. just like Saeyoung’s...

_‘Who are these people?’_

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so here I combined one of the beautiful flashback CGs from Ray route and some pages from his diary. With that you'd probably figure out where this is headed if I keep going, which! I'm pretty sure I will >__<  
> And I'm not sure if I can say this here, but thank you for reading if you do.. I hope it's enjoyed at least a bit ;▽;


End file.
